Where did the last four months go?

OK, so I obviously haven’t blogged in a while, but I have a good reason. I have been completely concealed in a perfect cocoon with my family. I’ve taken the last four months to devote all my time and energy to Silas. This is probably the most uninterrupted time I will be able to spend with him for the rest of my life and I chose not to take a second of that for granted.

Let’s start at the beginning. Silas’ due date was May 12. He was born May 22, against his will. This was my first lesson in the lack of control I now have over my life. Also, it was the first sign that Eli and I will ultimately be paid back for all the stubbornness we harbor in our own lives.

I had to be induced to force him to come out. Everything went fairly smoothly with only a few normal complications. We had one scary moment when we lost his heartbeat and I had 432 nurses and doctors jostling me around to get him off of his umbilical cord. I had what I only assume is a D student perform my epidural. After 15 ½ hours of labor, 15 minutes of pushing and only the left side of my lower half completely numb, Silas arrived. He was perfect. I’m sure no other mother has ever said that about their baby, right? Having my baby placed on my chest after months of waiting to meet him was by far the best moment of my life. Having Eli there as we stared in amazement at our incredible accomplishment was easily second.

We were so blessed that Eli was able to stay home with us for the first month. It flew by so fast as we got to know our new son and adjust to being a family of three. I always knew Eli would be a great dad, but I had no idea how great he would be. The bond he has with Silas is beautiful and makes me so proud. He’s attentive, loving and patient. He never complains about early-morning feedings or diaper duty. It’s so moving to see a man completely let his guard down to talk baby talk and smother his kid with kisses. Some of my favorite moments are when Eli is changing Silas and I hear them talking in the other room. Eli comes home every day and immediately holds his arms out and says, “Gimme my boy.” Now that I’m about to return to work, I think we will probably be fighting over Silas in the evening.

Another great part about having Silas is seeing my parents bond with him. I always knew my parents would fit into the grandparent role great, but I had no idea how great. I’m pretty sure my mother has found a new purpose in life. She has found a way to let any stress and negativity in her life go, because nothing else matters in a world with her grandson. My dad is already planning Silas’ first trip to the woods and trying to get him to say, “I love you Paw Paw.” They can’t get enough of him, and it’s great to see. I love seeing them form a bond with Silas that I know will always be very special to him.

I can’t believe my four months of maternity leave are already done. I’m struggling with returning to work and putting Silas in daycare, but I know it’s ultimately the best decision for our family. He’s going to one of the best daycares in the state and I know they will take great care of him. However, it will never be as good of care as I provide. I can’t stand the thought that I will not be the one feeding him or rocking him to sleep during the day. The good news is that it’s very close and I can go visit or feed him during my lunch break. That is until he gets old enough to have separation anxiety. I hope one day I will be able to feel less guilty about abandoning him in daycare. I also hope Silas will one day appreciate the fact that he has a hard-working mom.  

I’ll be back soon to talk about my post-baby weight. Spoiler alert: it’s still there, but I’ll explain more later.

Home Stretch

Hello, all. Sorry for missing my March post. As you can imagine, preparing for the baby has consumed my life. The good news is that I’m in the home stretch, only about six weeks to go. That number scares me, but what scared me more is that number represent the maximum time I have left. He could arrive even sooner. For so long I have focused so much on May 12 and almost had it planned as if that is the only day he could possibly arrive. Like, ok it is Saturday, May 12, I think I will sleep in, have breakfast and then head to the hospital to have a baby. Right.

It would be nice if he could arrive on the weekend, though … I’m just saying.

I hope I don’t jinx myself, but I’ve been feeling pretty well lately. I don’t have some of the issues that plague pregnant women, like heartburn and swollen feet. I don’t sleep as well as I would like. Maybe it’s God preparing me for never sleeping well again. Just last week, I started feeling a little uncomfortable around my stomach. It feels as if I have maxed out the space available and it aches when I move too suddenly. I’ve managed to keep myself out of maternity shirts. I opted to just by longer normal shirts in a size bigger, if needed. Maternity shirts fit me weird. I have a total of two and they both look stupid on me.  

My weight gain has been completely in check. I’ve gained about 18 lbs. It’s good to know I can still be strict about what I eat (most of the time), even when I’m pregnant. I still try to eat a lot of protein and vegetables and limit my sugar. I’m still crazy about getting enough water every day. I average about a gallon a day, and I think it really makes a difference in how I feel. Hunger and cravings during pregnancy are a beast compared to normal life. I’m not saying it’s been easy or that I haven’t been hard on myself from time to time, but I’ve managed. That’s a lot for a former fatty.  

I’m ready to have my son here, but still a little scared of the whole getting him here part. I have opted to not have a birth plan of any sorts. I know that completely goes against my OCD planning and organizational insanity, but I think it is the right move. I have a tendency to make a plan and then get annoyed or upset when things don’t go according to plan. My work in a public relations agency has greatly improved this, but when it comes to my personal life, the problem still lingers a bit. Hi, I’m Stacy and I’m a control freak.

The last thing I want to do is try to guess what the labor process is like. Let’s face it; I’m not really in charge of what happens. That control lies completely with my son and God. For example, I would really like to not have an epidural. Most would say this is crazy. Maybe it is, but I have no idea what it is going to feel like, how long it will take or how I will respond. So the “plan” is to try it without an epidural, but not rule one out completely. The only other planning I’ve allowed myself is what I will take to the hospital and who is allowed in the room with me. In case you’re wondering if you are invited, the answer is absolutely not … unless your name is Elijah Alcala.

I catch myself trying to carefully plan what will take place the day I go into labor, but that never works. The problem is that I won’t know when or where the journey will begin. What do I do with my dog if it’s the middle of the night? What if my water breaks at work? At what point should I alert my family to help them avoid waiting at the hospital for hours? The other day I asked my parents if one of their neighbors would take care of their dog for them. My mother immediately accused me of being a control freak and told me to stop worrying about it. Sound like tough love? Nah, she just knows me too well. I am definitely my mother’s daughter.

Other than trying to plan for the unknown, Eli and I are enjoying our last few weeks of being a family of two. We’ve been getting things done around the house, putting together a lot of baby gear and discussing how our lives are going to change. We are spending the upcoming holiday weekend at Opryland Hotel to just do nothing. Time didn’t allow for us to take a trip somewhere, so we are getting away a little closer to home. The idea is to remove ourselves from the home for a few days. This way we can’t be working on our to-do list or sitting around feeling like we should be doing something productive. The plan is to eat, sleep and just relax. You’re welcome, local economy.

That’s all I have for now. The next time I blog it could very well be to introduce you to Silas. If I were you, I would check Facebook for any baby updates. At the rate I’ve been going, it will take me a while to get around to another blog.

Two trimesters down, one to go

Ahhh, the second trimester. It was so good to me. I hope the third trimester greets me just as warmly! This has been some of the most exciting months of my life. I loved every minute of learning about the growth and feeling my SON kick me. We really got to move forward with plans for our baby. We gave him a name and completed his nursery. We decided to name him Silas Lee Alcala. We picked Silas because it is unusual, but not too far out there. Lee is a family name on my side. Both of my dad’s parents had the middle name Lee. My grandfather died before I was born and my grandmother died when I was about 2, so I didn’t know either of them. I’m very much like my dad, so I thought it would be nice to carry on the name of the people who created him.

This trimester also brought a lot of joy. We got to surprise everyone at Christmas with the news we were having a boy, I felt Silas kick for the first time (and a lot after that), and we got news that all his test and ultrasounds are perfectly normal. I even passed the gestational diabetes and anemia tests.

I have still struggled with my weight in my own mind. I’ve gained about 15 lbs all together, which is great according to my doctor, but it has been hard. I’m hungry all the time, so I constantly have to tell myself no. My doctor is really happy with my weight gain, especially since I don’t have my lap-band to rely on right now. It makes me feel good to know that I have changed my eating habits for the better. I do have moments where my cravings take over and I lose control (like eating two cupcakes at once), but those are not very often. We try to walk several miles most days of the week, so I’m still staying active.

Eli and I are closer than ever and really enjoying this time together. I don’t believe babies can make a relationship better, but if you already have a strong connection, then it definitely can bring you closer. Eli has truly been amazing throughout this process. He is supportive, caring and above all, interested in what is going on with me and the baby. He listens to me whine about aches and being hungry. He is patient when I have a mood swing and talks me down when I get a little overwhelmed. He’s reading a book called, Dad’s Pregnant, Too, and I suspect it has given him a few tips as to what to expect from me. I’m truly blessed to have his support as well and all my friends and family. Silas is going to be born into so much love.

Most of my anxiety is trying to figure out how to accomplish all the tasks I need to before his arrival. Lately, I’ve been feeling a little overwhelmed by the lack of time I have left. Not only do I have to get stuff in my personal life in order, but I have to get projects at work in order to prepare for four months out of the office. I’ve started interviewing pediatricians and trying to work out the details for his health insurance. We have a lawyer drawing up our long-overdue will, which was surprisingly simple and overwhelming all at once. I have a nice honey-do list together for Eli full of stuff to finish around the house. We’re registered for all the classes we need to take and have our maternity photo shoot scheduled. I have two showers coming up, so that is super exciting. All in all, I think I’m making good progress, but I still feel like time is going by way too fast.

The one item I can’t check off the list, and want to the most, is where Silas is going to go when I go back to work. There are only three daycare centers downtown, and I’m on the waiting list for all of them. The problem is those waiting lists are long and you don’t find out you’re in until a few weeks before you can start. We can’t choose a place close to our home, because it is nearly impossible to make it to this side of town by 6 p.m., even if I leave right at 5. In my line of work, it is really hard to guarantee a departure time right at 5, and it would be super stressful to try and do it every day. I don’t know what I will do if we don’t get in somewhere by the time I need to go back to work in September. We don’t have family or friends that could watch him, and I am extremely uncomfortable with inviting someone I don’t know in my house to be alone with Silas for 10 hours a day. So, we wait.

That pretty much sums up my life for the past few months. Pregnancy has been pretty easy so far. I don’t suspect I will be repeating that in the next few months. I’ve been trying to enjoy this trimester as much as possible, just in case the last three treats me poorly. Pray for me, please.

New Year

20 Week Belly Shot

I am 21 weeks along today. I’m feeling great and am enjoying the second trimester. The nausea is long gone and I don’t get tired quite as easily. I’m trying to enjoy it as much as I can, because I know the third trimester will bring on a whole new set of complaints. I only have two problems; I can’t seem to get enough cereal and I long to have a cute baby bump instead of a fat belly. I don't think it's in my cards, people. 

We found out on December 20 that we are having a boy! I knew it all along, even if some people don’t believe me. I don’t know how I knew, but I never once wavered. We decided to hold on to our good news until Christmas to surprise our families. This involved a little lying, but it was so worth it. We told our families that the baby was positioned weird and we couldn’t find out. I bought blue picture frames and put the ultrasound picture in it. We wrapped them up like all the other presents and added them to the pile on Christmas.

The Carr Family - Christmas 2011

First up was my family on Christmas Eve. I saved the frame until last and chose my dad to open it (mostly for logistical reasons, but also because I didn’t want my mom to open it and start crying). He opened it, looked at it, kept looking at it and had no reaction at all. I finally announced, “It’s a boy!” Then it sank in. Apparently, I set the lie up a little too well. I completely caught him off guard, and he had no idea. To be fair, we had decided to give $5 fun gifts to each other this year, and I chose to do all of my shopping at Goodwill. They thought I had just found the frame and bought it, because I was so sure it was a boy. Not exactly the reaction I was going for, but pulling one over on them (especially my jokester dad) was so much better. The frame in these photos is blue and holds the ultrasound photo.

The Alcala Family - Christmas 2011

Next was Eli’s family on Christmas Day. Same plan, different victims. We chose to let his mom open the frame. She looked at it, said it was cute, smiled, showed off the cute frame and then it clicked. She asked, “Does this mean it really is a boy?” Again, we are good liars. They had no idea.

We spent the rest of our vacation finishing his nursery and picking out a name. We were quick to jump on the turtle theme for a couple of reasons. First, I love turtles. I call my dog turtle (among a million other nicknames). Plus, when the ultrasound tech told us it was a boy, she explained it like this: “Do you see that thing that looks like a turtle sticking his head out of his shell? That’s his penis.” While I’m sure I will mortify my son with this story over and over again, for now it serves as my sign from God that I should decorate his nursery with turtles.

I can’t believe he will be here in four months. I have no idea how my life is about to change. According to the masses, it will be drastic, and I can in no way prepare for it. That doesn’t stop Eli and I from discussing how we think it will be. There is some comfort in playing the “what if” game. For now we love the feeling of always having something to look forward to. It is like waiting for Christmas every day. It’s hard not to stay happy. No matter what, I smile when I feel him kicking me. This New Year has nothing but promise for us.