I’ve been traveling for work the past three weeks. First up was Philadelphia, then Chicago and finally Dallas. I’m really fortunate to get the opportunity to travel all over the country and see cities I may not take the time to see on my own. Philly and Chicago were a treat to me, because I had never been to those places. I got to see the Liberty Bell and take a night bike tour of Chicago, all within two weeks.
Unfortunately, I was traveling without much help from my lap-band. Since I was so sick (see post below) from taking medicine for my broken foot, they had to take a lot of fluid out of my band. This makes it looser. This means I can eat more and faster. Not good for the fat kid that will forever live inside me. The good news is that my stomach has completely healed and I’m not feeling malnourished anymore. The bad news is that my travels were unexpected and I didn’t have time to get my band tightened before I left. When it gets tightened I have to go on a liquid diet for 48 hours and then a mushy-food diet for 48 hours. Four days of not a lot of calories is not a good idea when I’m traveling and logging long hours. Plus, I’m often in situations where I don’t have control of where I eat.
When I’m not traveling, I usually have one cheat meal a week. I tend to lean towards a steak and frozen yogurt. I try not to eat a lot of red meat or sweets, so allowing myself to have those items once a week makes me feel less deprived. Now, with that being said, I have to always practice self-control. It’s so easy to use special occasions and traveling as an excuse to bend the diet rules. I definitely did that the past few weeks.
I can’t help but feel very lonely sometimes. I know a lot of people struggle with food, but no one really talks about it. I get tired of trying to justify or defend what I’m eating at all times. Surely, I’m not the only person in the world that has this constant internal dialogue I have going on when it comes to eating. It would really help if I knew how other people felt, because maybe I wouldn’t feel so damn bad about myself sometimes. Here’s the full confession of things I shouldn’t have eaten while traveling:
Two blueberry muffins (two different days)
- Half a country fried chicken (Never again. You can bet money on it. I was pretty sure my arteries hardened)
- Baked potato
- Mashed potatoes (twice)
- Five alcoholic drinks (not all at once)
- Strawberry smoothie
- Three chili’s Southwestern Egg Rolls
- Chips and queso
- One fried pickle
- Five sweet treats (cookies, a cupcake, 1/3 of a piece of carrot cake, 1/2 a crème brule, chocolate mousse)
I didn’t want to admit all of this, because it makes me feel like a failure. I truly strive to be as honest as possible on this blog, so there you have it. I feel gross and ashamed. Before you judge me, I invite you to make a list of all the items you probably shouldn’t have eaten in the past month.
Now for the reality check: it’s may not be all that bad. I was extremely busy and running around during the days I was working. I was sightseeing and sometimes working out at night. Plus, I only traveled three days each week, and I mostly followed my diet when I was at home. I miraculously didn’t gain any weight, but I fully recognize that I probably would if I kept this cycle going.
Another important point to make is that I’m taking it upon myself to get my band tightened. A lot of people with this surgery don’t like the pain of getting it adjusted and enjoy being able to eat normally. I hate it. I like the restrictions my band place on me. I have to chew my food well, eat slowly and can only have small portions. Do I sometime have to excuse myself because I get food stuck and have to throw up? Sure, but almost everyone in my life knows my situation, so it gets a little less mortifying each time it happens.
I know every time I mess up, I can’t pat myself on the back and tell myself it is ok just because I don’t gain any weight. Lower weight does not equal good health. I also know that I want to enjoy my life and not feel like I just ran over a puppy every time I want to stray from my diet. I truly enjoy eating healthy. I love the feeling I have at the end of the day when I know I didn’t put anything toxic in my body.
I’m off next week to get my band tightened. I’m done traveling for a couple of weeks, so I will be able to get back to my routine. The bad news is that my foot is definitely still broken. It hasn’t improved. In fact, I think it’s worse. I need to get an MRI to get the probable diagnosis of surgery. If that’s the case it will be at least December before I could consider taking time off for surgery. I can deal with the pain, but not being able to not get good cardio makes me depressed. Bike riding is going well, but not when I have to do it in the gym. It just doesn’t give me a good workout.
My goal for this month is to continue working on finding a balance in my life. I’m also going to stick with doing whatever workouts I can to keep me moving. Something is better than nothing, even if it’s not exactly what I want to be doing. The last thing I need is to get out of shape. I’ve learned a few things over the past year. I’m nowhere near the mess I was before I started this journey.
