The Five Stages

I am on day nine of the 14-day pre-op diet. So far, I’ve lost 18 lbs. I can’t wait until after surgery, when I am losing weight the normal, healthy way. I’m proud to say, I haven’t slipped from my diet once. Not one bite. Not one drink. Nothing.

I think I’m not hungry anymore, but the truth is, I just got used to the feeling of hunger. It sounds weird, but it makes me feel good to know I’m ok with that feeling. I don’t always have to be full.
I’ve done quite of bit of work mentally over the past nine days, and I think it’s paying off.

I think Eli was a little scared before this started. There are two things that can put me in a bad mood faster than anything: being hot or being hungry. Lucky for us, my diet started during a heat wave. Yay! I’ve only gotten snippy a couple of times, and they were just sarcastic one-liners (shocker, right?). In my defense, one of them was in a really hot car after we had been running errands all day. I probably would have been cranky anyways.

I make up for it by being entertaining. I always tell my dog she’s so cute I could just take a bite out of her. Well, the other day I told her that, and Eli looked at me with a concerned look on his face. As if I would eat the dog! The cat is much bigger and fatter. I kid, I kid. I promise if I come close to eating one of my pets, I will put an end to this diet.

I think I’ve been experiencing the five stages of grief. I know this usually refers to something much more serious than being denied food, but you starve for nine days and tell me how you feel!

1. Denial
I don’t have any issues with food.
2. Anger
Why do I have to go through this? How come everyone else can eat what they want and not have any problems?
3. Bargaining
Let me have just one bite of your sandwich, Eli. One bite isn’t cheating is it?
Don’t worry, I didn’t. I was just testing my power. I have none.
4. Depression
I’m hungry. I feel gross. I have no energy. This is never going to get better.
5. Acceptance
Only X number of days left. I can do this. My life is going to change, but be so much better.

Moral of the story? I’m alive, I feel ok, my pants are already too big and I’m only five days away from surgery. I’ve worked the stages of grief and came out on the positive side (so far).