I'm still here

Before surgery

Three months after surgery

First things first, I’ve officially lost 53 pounds! My next goal is to be less than 200 pounds by Christmas. 

I had my final band adjustment (hopefully for a while) a couple of weeks ago. The band around my stomach is now pretty tight. I am able to eat about one cup of food at a time. That is not much at all, but I still feel great. This adjustment was quite a bit tighter and has been kind of hard to get used to. I have to do the things I’ve been doing all along, but much better and a little more extreme. I absolutely have to chew all my food up to mush and eat super slow. I have to literally think about every bite I put into my mouth and evaluate when I can swallow. I also have to pay close attention to when I’m full so I don’t eat too much and get sick.

A week after my adjustment, Eli and I took a trip to Destin. I won a week at a fabulous condo from one of the partners at the PR firm I work for. Super generous. Super lucky me. The vacation couldn’t have come at a better time. We were thinking about taking a trip somewhere, but couldn’t decide what to do. Eli and I have both have been working long hours. That paired with all the changes from my surgery has made for little time to spend together. I don’t think either of us realized how much we needed a break until we got there.

What a journey getting there was…

The air conditioning went out about an hour into the trip. We felt it getting warmer, so Eli switched it off to give it a rest. When he did this, we heard a part fall off the car and tumble down the interstate. If you know me, this is not good. I don’t do hot. I then proceed to slightly lose my mind. I did a pretty good job of stomping and throwing a two-year-old-level tantrum (but with a lot more cursing). Poor Eli. At least it wasn’t directed at him, and I eventually figured out I would just have to deal with the heat.

This part gets a little graphic…

It was so hot we decided to hit a drive thru for lunch, instead of getting out of the car. I’m driving and munching on a hamburger patty. All of the sudden I have that awful feeling like I couldn’t breathe. My stomach was clogged. This has only happened a couple of times, but I can usually drink some water and make myself burp to get the food to pass. In a matter of two seconds, I realized this was going to end badly and threw up all my food. It went all over me while I was driving down the interstate. As it was happening, all I could think about was how I had to pull the car over safely. I had to change all my clothes on the side of the interstate. I had a good sobbing pity party for myself, and we got back on the road. So, I survived my first official throwing up incident. It’s a miracle I made it this long.

As soon as we got to Destin, Eli rented tools and bought the parts to fix my AC. He then spent the next four hours working on my car. I can’t tell you how blessed I am to have such a smart and understanding husband.

We then had a fabulous vacation. I made sure to eat breakfast and lunch according to my diet and then loosened the rules a tiny bit for dinner. We made sure to work out every day and I was even able to lose weight. I never thought I would be one of those people who worked out on vacation.

Working out has become a must for me. I don’t feel right if I miss even one day. We try and do something active every day, if possible. We try to add new activities and keep it from getting boring. For example, I bought Just Dance for the Wii. I learned I have no rhythm, but can work up a sweat trying to dance.

I’m also cooking a lot more. I started to get bored with all the food I was eating, so I had to venture out a little. I bought all of George Stella’s cookbooks and use them almost every day. Eating lower carbs has become a way of life and it gets easier all the time. Just tonight I made a homemade pumpkin pie with whipped topping. It’s all homemade; nothing from a box. It’s also low carb with no sugar added.

I’m almost three months out from surgery and am amazed at how my life has changed since then. I look better. I feel better. I’m going to make it!

Updates - All Good

I know it’s been a while since I posted, so I wanted to give you a quick update on everything.
Things have definitely improved since my last post. A couple of health victories:
• My blood pressure is now completely normal.
• I bought pants that are four sizes smaller.
• I was able to discontinue use of my acid reflux medication.
• I have lost a total of 42 pounds!

More good news…
I won a week at a condo in Destin, Fla. from one of the partners at my firm (thanks!), so Eli
and I will be going in a couple of weeks. I’m very excited, because I’m starting to feel like
I need a break from everything. Don’t get me wrong, my life is good and I’m very blessed, but
a break would be very nice. Eli has been working a lot lately, plus we’ve had a lot of things
change in our day to day lives. It will be good to get away together. The condo has a full kitchen,
so I can take a lot of the food I need to eat with me. I will have to relax the rules a little to
accommodate eating out. I also don’t want to have to think about it for every second we’re there.

We joined the YMCA a few weeks ago and have successfully made it a mandatory part of our
routine. We go to the gym Monday through Friday, take Saturday off and play racquetball on
Sundays. I spend a lot of time on the treadmill. I love doing hills and usually ramp the incline
up somewhere between 4 and 10 for most of the time. I usually stay on for 35 minutes, but I’m
working my way towards 45 minutes. I have also been doing some abdominal work and weight
training some days.

I go back to the doctor on September 7. I’m not sure if I will get an adjustment or not. I am
eating the right portion sizes and not getting hungry for a few hours afterward. Also, I’m losing
the right amount of weight. I’m supposed to lose between one and three pounds a week and I’ve
been losing an average of two to three. I can eat about ¾ to 1 cup of food at a time, which may
be the only reason they adjust me. It’s supposed to be closer to ½ a cup at a time, but since I’m
losing weight that may not matter.

Boring to most people news…
The carbohydrate battle is getting better. My surgeon would like for me to keep my carbs below
25g a day. My dietician would like for me to keep them between 25 and 50g a day. I have been
trying to stay as close to 25g as possible, but usually ending up around 30g. For the past week,
I’ve really been concentrating on staying at or below 25g.

Carbohydrates are organic compounds found in foods, which can or cannot be absorbed into
the human body. Examples are: sugars, starches, fats and fibers. If you have no idea what I’m
talking about, I encourage you to look at the amount of carbohydrates on any food or beverage
item you have. I think you will be very surprised at how many are in certain items. I have to try
(and sometimes fail) to not point out to my friends and family how many carbs are in the items
they’re eating. I always hated when people pointed out I was eating crap, and I strive to not be
that person.

Sorry for the delay in posts, but I don’t want to bore you with information you already know.
Photo update will be coming soon … hopefully, from a beach in Florida!

With the good comes the bad

It was bound to happen. I had a bad week.

Apparently, I have a new addiction. Instead of food, I am addicted to the scale. I weight myself
first thing every morning, which is a big no-no in the weight-loss surgery world. For almost two
weeks, I found myself stuck between the same two pounds. I hit a plateau and just couldn’t seem
to move past it. This is frustrating beyond belief!

I started feeling very overwhelmed. I wasn’t losing much weight and felt like a failure. I know
it seems a little soon to have such thoughts, but until now, I’ve been losing weight consistently.

I also had to face my first extended time away from home. A few girlfriends and I were planning
to go on a short overnight trip to Birmingham to attend the wedding of another friend. The idea
of this made me very anxious. I feared having to make quick decisions for more than one meal
in a row. I know I blog about my experience and it seems very public, but my thoughts and
processes for dealing with each situation is very much private. Eli is the only person that truly
understands what is going on and how different situations affect me. I am so grateful to him.

Most of the time, it’s not a big deal. I know what I can and can’t eat. I can usually plan to bring
my own food when there won’t be anything I can eat. I always have a plan. Up until now, I’ve
only had to deal with, at most, one meal away. The problem with this road trip was that I knew
I would have to make quick decisions in front of several people. While this group knows me
very well and understands my surgery, I don’t like being on the spot. I didn’t want to have
to choose all the places we ate, and I like to research establishments before I go to them (if
I haven’t already). This can be a very time consuming process. On top of that, I drink a lot
of water, which means I have to go to the bathroom a lot. We were also planning on sharing
a hotel room, and it was just going to be too much time of me feeling completely exposed.

Well, it all eventually got to me and I canceled. I decided I would drive there and back the same
day and avoid the whole situation. It turned out to be a good decision and only required me to
eat a little out of my comfort zone. I had Eli and another friend of ours to keep me company. I
hate that I had to inconvenience my friends, but I probably wouldn’t have been very much fun
anyways.

The truth is, I’m only six weeks past surgery. I’m still learning and figuring things out. I will
need a little more time to be comfortable in different situations. It’s kind of hard to explain to
someone how much work it takes. It’s a very calculated, well-thought out, obsessive compulsive
process. I did learn that I have to be selfish sometimes. I have to take baby steps, and need to
take it slowly. If something makes me uncomfortable, I need to step back and figure out how to
deal with it instead of trying to force myself to be ok. This change is going to be for the rest of
my life, and that’s not something I feel I should rush.

I had another visit with my surgeon and did a food journal review with my dietician yesterday.
When I shared my frustration, they pretty much laughed at me and explained I couldn’t be doing
anything differently. I’m eating right and working out often. They assured me that my body is
still adjusting and will not lose weight every day. Luckily for me, I had my band tightened which
is followed by 48 hours of liquids. This helped get the weight-loss train moving again. I’m now down 35 pounds! Just two months ago, I was terrified that I was going to reach the 300 lb mark
and now I’m almost less than 250 lbs! This is a BIG deal for me. So, things are looking up, and
my positive attitude is returning.

Once a food issue, always a food issue

Before surgery

July 31, 2010 - One month after surgery

I’m still feeling great, but am discovering new issues every day. I have been exercising religiously seven days a week, and sticking to my diet. I no longer have a problem hitting my carbs and protein. I keep it under 25g of carbs and get about 95g of protein every day.

Before surgery I had to have a psychiatric evaluation to make sure I was mentally stable for surgery. When I met with the psychiatrist he informed me that I passed on all the levels and was considered normal. I know someone out there is laughing and saying, “Yeah, right.”

Well, there was one little thing; I’m a touch obsessive compulsive. According to him, I am very organized and like to have things run according to schedule. I know, complete shocker. He said this made me an even better candidate for surgery. It actually has come in handy because I have to always be thinking and preparing for what I’m going to eat.

I’m doing everything right. I feel good. I notice a difference in my clothes. What’s the problem?

I am having a hard time with the weight loss thing. I lost 20lbs in two weeks on the pre-op diet, which means I’ve only lost a little more than 10lbs since surgery exactly a month ago. This is clearly in the recommended healthy range of 1 to 3lbs a week. I think I got used to losing some weight every single day and I get frustrated if I go a few days without any weight loss. Granted, I’m not supposed to weight myself daily, but I just can’t help it. I want to lose weight NOW!

I am also having issues giving myself a break sometimes. I know I’m not supposed to deprive myself, but I do. There were cupcakes at work on Thursday and it seriously took me 30 minutes to decide if I wanted to have even a ¼ of one. I ended up not giving in, which is huge because cupcakes are my dessert of choice.  I am now so aware of the sugar, carbs and fat in everything that I am unable to give in. I convince myself that it will fill me with regret afterwards. I only like eating at places that I can research their nutrition information online. I like proving to myself that I don’t need a cupcake or other treats.

I try to only eat out once a week, and that is usually on Saturday nights. The plan all along was to approach this one meal as a reward for my week of hard work. Go out without researching nutrition information, and not worry about carbs or protein for just this one meal.  I try to think of what I would want to eat if I could have anything in the world, but all I can think about are places and food that are lap-band friendly.

The decision tonight was Blue Coast Burrito. I knew I could get chicken and cheese on a wheat tortilla and be fine. I also decided we would walk there and back. It worked out well until a storm came through preventing us from getting home for an hour. We went next door to a yogurt store where they let you get your own amounts and toppings. I got a small amount of no sugar added, low fat, low carb yogurt. I felt good that I allowed myself a treat and it wasn’t that bad for me. Don’t think I didn’t look up the nutrition information as soon as we made the trek back home, though.

So, am I really normal?  I think I am still new to this and doing the best I can. I’m a very results-driven person. I like to be told good job and prove that I can handle challenges. I think this is where my recent decisions come into play. I’ve also learned that most everybody has food issues. Whether it’s an obsession with eating right or ignoring the consequences of eating wrong, we’ve almost all found ourselves in a battle with food. This is all so new to me that I feel it’s best to do whatever makes me comfortable and still allows me to meet my goals. So, go easy on me if I hesitate before agreeing to eat out or seem to obsess over a cupcake. Don’t worry about me. I’m very aware that I could take weight-loss too far, and am always working with my dietician to make good healthy decisions.  I will eventually learn and things will get easier.

I feel like bragging

Please pardon my gloating as I pat myself on the back for a great week. I’ll start with today and work my way back.

Today my husband was giving me a big hug, squeezed me a little and said, “You seriously feel skinnier.”

On Thursday my company had its annual mid-year retreat. Usually this time is spent brainstorming ideas to improve our company and the jobs we do. This time we were surprised by the partners with an envelope of money and four hours to spend it. After the initial shock, everyone made their way around Nashville to do good for either themselves, loved ones or the community. I still have my money (we were allowed to put it in the bank), but plan to give some away to some friends in need and put the rest towards new clothes. I actually bought a belt this weekend as a desperate attempt to keep my pants a little while longer. They are already a few sizes too big, but I can’t afford to buy new clothes at every size.

I had my first adjustment on Wednesday. It didn’t hurt at all, which is great because I’m a huge baby when it comes to matters of needles and doctors. I’m not a fan of being told to sit up while having a huge needle sticking out of my abdomen, but I couldn’t feel it at all. The worst part about having my band tightened is that I had to be on a liquid diet for 48 hours. It was pretty miserable, but I survived.

I met with with my dietician and surgeon and they were both so proud of the work I’ve been doing. I’m eating the right food, getting exercise and keeping a very detailed food journal. My surgeons exact words were, “You’re doing everything perfectly.” I’m happy to report I’ve lost 30 pounds!

The band didn’t have any saline in it before (due to the stomach swelling during surgery), so I didn’t have a lot of restriction when it came to the amount I could fit in my stomach. The doctor warned me this would be the case and encouraged me to still try and stick to the correct portions. So, I was eating the recommended portion size this whole time, but I was getting hungry between meals. The goal is to be adjusted just right, so you are eating the correct portion size and not getting hungry between meals.

The best part is that I feel good about the decisions I’m making. It’s not always easy to eat right. In fact, I had a run-in with a cake on Monday that was pretty difficult to walk away from. Once it was gone and not in my face, I didn’t miss it. I try to remember that it’s probably going to make me feel worse after than it would to give in and have a little. So far, I’ve been right. It is truly one day, one decision and one meal at a time. I think and plan and even strategize to make sure I meet my goals.

Going into this next week, I’m back to my normal routine and feeling great. Picture update coming soon!