Today

Today is the day I decided (with a lot of encouragement) to train for a half marathon in October. There's no turning back now. Maybe it will help me lose this last 30 lbs!

April 30, 2011 -- Exactly 10 months after surgery

105 lbs gone!

It’s been an interesting month. The big news is that I’ve lost 105 lbs! This means I’m no longer obese, just overweight. I need to get to 147 lbs or below to be considered at a healthy weight.

I actually hit the 100 lb mark several weeks ago, but delayed making it official until I was done traveling. I wanted to be sure I had lost it for good! This was the goal my surgeon set for me to reach by the one-year anniversary of my surgery. It’s been eight months, and I’m still going!

The first trip was rough, because I had a hard time completely sticking to my diet, especially the drinking water part. The low point was grabbing some cheese sticks while running to catch my plane on a layover home. We had a 10 hour travel day, and zero time between flights. I can’t take protein shakes (my constant back-up plan) on airplanes because of the whole 3 ounce liquid rule. We didn’t have time to search for a better place, so I made the best decision I could. Cheese is something I can have, but it’s not supposed to be fried. I only ate three, but it still felt so gross.

When I got home, I felt very dehydrated and drank a ton of water, which I’m fairly confident is related to the 2 lb weight gain I had. Not working out for a week and eating dinner out every night did not help anything either. Even if I eat items I’m allowed, I can’t weigh the proper portions or control everything that goes into preparing my food. Restaurants tend to use a ton of salt, and that’s not good when I’m not drinking enough water. 

I spent the next week getting back into my workout and eating routine, only to leave again the following week. I was able to shed the 2 lbs I had gained and was back at 100 lbs lost before my second trip. This trip went much better. I stuck to my diet, except for a half a piece of carrot cake, which was my March treat. If you don’t remember, I allow myself one dessert a month. I was able to work out on this trip and drink lots of water. Fortunately, I was able to maintain my weight.

So, here we are a week later, and I’ve lost another 5 lbs. It’s been a rough week, though. I had an adjustment to make my band smaller on Monday. The reason they made it smaller, was because while traveling, I noticed I was able to eat more than I should be able to. I only eat out about once a week normally, so it’s not that big of a deal that I can’t weigh out the right portion. The point of the band is to stop you from eating too much.

When you have adjustments you have to go on liquids for two days, then mushy food for two days. After that you start adding in meat. I was fine on Monday, but started noticing a problem before my workout on Tuesday morning. I usually chug a protein shake before my boot camp class, but it wasn’t going down too easily. I thought I was going to throw up my shake. I’ve never had a problem with liquids before, but know how much your stomach can swell after an adjustment. After all, they are tightening a band around my stomach.

By Thursday, I was still having problems with liquids for a couple of hours after I got up. Usually by the time I get to work, I’ve had 50 ounces of water and a protein shake, so this was really strange. I called my doctor and they told me to come in immediately.

Apparently, I’m normal. My band is now exactly where it was supposed to be all along. When I asked how this went unnoticed and I was still able to be successful, I was told, “It’s because you’re just so disciplined.” Because I don’t eat out, I stick to my diet and weigh out the right portions, I was doing just fine. Usually, people rely completely on the band to stop them from eating too much, which isn’t the right way. You are supposed to weigh your food and not let yourself get too full. The point of eating is to feel satisfied, not stuffed. The reason I’m having so much trouble in the morning is because when I sleep my stomach swells a lot, and it takes a couple of hours for the swelling to go down. I also have a sinus infection right now, and drainage makes my stomach swell, too.

Don’t get me wrong, my band has been working this whole time, just not to its fullest potential.

So now, I have to go back to the basics … making sure I chew everything really well and eating tiny bites. I’m not supposed to be able to gulp my water, only take tiny sips. The doctor offered to take some fluid out of my band to make it looser, but I am dead set on adjusting to my band. I paid $12,000 for it, so I’m going to get everything I can out of it. Plus, my weight loss has slowed so much; I need all the help I can get.

The doctor assured me my two-month plateau is not really even a plateau. Technically, a true plateau is when you do exactly everything right and don’t lose an ounce. I’ve been losing weight here and there … about 17 lbs in the last two months. I know that sounds like a lot to you, but it’s been a struggle for me.

Eli won a free trip to San Diego in two weeks. We plan on going snorkeling, so I have to get a bathing suit. That should be great for my self-esteem. Is any woman ever comfortable shopping for a bathing suit? I remember being self conscious about bathing suits when I was like 12. Oh well. If I can buy a size 24 surely I can handle buying a large or 14 or whatever I require.

Until next time …

Traveling

I tend to use my posts as a way to update everyone. I try to be as honest as I can, but I usually only feel like posting when something good happens. This means my posts are generally positive, which is not quite an accurate account of me. I tend to be a pessimist. You know; the glass half empty type.

I’m officially experiencing a slow-down with my weight loss. I’m only losing about a 1lb a week right now. This is probably just what it’s going to be like now that I have the major part of my weight off. There are many other reasons this could be happening, and I’m told it’s completely normal by my trainer and my nutritionist. That doesn’t make it any easier. It sucks. I hate it.

It’s annoying that I’m so close to the 100lb mark, only 1lb away to be exact. At the 100lb mark, I will weigh 187 and no longer be considered obese. The 100lb goal was set by my surgeon, and he wanted me to reach it within a year. It’s been almost eight months, so I feel good about that. I will soon join the overweight club and hang out there until I lose 40lbs and join the healthy weight club. 40lbs seems a million miles away.

I started attending a fitness boot camp two weeks ago. Against everything that’s normal to me, I get up four days a week at 4:45 a.m. to make it to a 5:15 a.m. class. During this class, I push myself harder than I ever have. The last time (before surgery) I worked out on a regular basis was when I was in ROTC and on the track team in high school. I’m sore all over, which is a surprisingly good feeling. It reminds me that I’m doing some good. I love the way it makes me feel the rest of the day. Plus, it’s extra nice to not have to worry about going to work out after work.

I’m extremely busy at work right now, which is great, but it’s been a challenge trying to balance everything. I’m getting up so early and working so late, I only get about an hour of time to myself between getting off work and getting in the bed. This is challenging when I have to cook dinner and plan lunch for the next day. I’m often too tired to cook, so I’ve been trying to find faster meals. This is not always easy when you’re eating healthy. It sure would be easy to pick up food from somewhere on my way home, but I’ve been fighting the urge so far. I like being busy for a number of reasons. I feel useful, less stressed and it gives me less time to think about surgery-related things.

Perhaps the biggest challenge right now is my travel schedule. I love that I get the opportunity to go to places I’ve never been. Traveling for work always consists of busy long days, but it’s usually very rewarding. Even with the challenges traveling presents, I wouldn’t change a thing. It’s important that I learn to navigate certain obstacles, especially traveling. I usually travel a lot, so I’m glad I get to try it out without the comfort of having Eli or my normal foods around me.

Last week I spent a couple of days in Kentucky for a photo shoot. Everything was going fine until I was having lunch with a colleague and our client contact. I was enjoying my salad when all of the sudden my stomach was clogged. This happens when I eat too fast and don’t chew my food up well enough. With the band, my stomach opening is so small, so I have to be very careful. Sometimes I can pause, take a few sips of water and the food will pass. This was not working. I excused myself to the restroom, and started my process of clearing my stomach. It’s not fun and it’s gross. It involves trying to make myself burp, which helps the stomach try to get the food through. If burping doesn’t work, then my body automatically throws the food up. During all of this it feels like I’m having a heart attack. My chest gets real tight, and it’s hard to breath. The good news is throwing up provides instant relief. The bad news is, it sometimes take 5 or 10 minutes for this whole process. I was terrified that someone would come into the bathroom. Luckily, no one did and I was finally able to clear my stomach and return to the table after about five minutes. It was mortifying to me, but I don’t think anyone even knew there was something wrong. I’ve only had to throw up three times since surgery, but it’s awful every time.

This week I’m heading to Montana for six days. This will be the first time I’m completely traveling by air for a long period of time since surgery. We went to Florida in September, but we drove and I took my food with me. I know this will be a learning experience, and I’ll be better off for figuring out how to stick to my diet while traveling, but it still causes me some anxiety. This trip is going to be challenging for a couple of reasons.  

First, it’s weird traveling with someone who doesn’t live with my habits day in and day out. I think the only reason this is scary is because I feel strange about some of the everyday challenges I face. For example, I have to eat slow and drink a lot of water throughout the day, which causes me to take a lot of bathroom breaks. Not to mention I eat weird. It’s hard for some people to understand my diet. I can’t just eat any fruit or vegetable, because of the carb contents. Not to mention, I simply can’t have some foods at all, because my stomach opening is too small.

Second, I will be trying to eat three meals a day on the road. I like to research menus and places before going anywhere. I’m going to be in some very rural areas without much Internet access. I’ll have to wing it quite a bit, which is not good for this OCD planner

Third, I will have a hard time working out. I made sure my hotels have a fitness center. My trainer sent me a workout schedule, and I have a Jillian Michaels DVD to work out to. This is the plan, but we’ll see how well I stick to it. Days on the road tend to be really long. The good news is that I’ll be doing a lot of walking during the day, so that will help.

I’ve been having a lot of moments where I realize this is my life now. All the difficulties I have are not going to suddenly go away any time soon. I will have this band forever. I know I will figure things out and it will be more normal, but eight months is not enough time for me to feel comfortable and normal all the time. I constantly have to think and plan my days, and then I have to be prepared with back-up plans. This last 40lbs is going to be much harder than all the weight I’ve lost so far. I have good days and bad days, but mostly good. I feel better and more energized, and love how I feel with so much weight off of me. In fact, I’m writing this while on an airplane. I didn’t have to loosen my seat belt all the way or ask for an extender. I also have room to have my tray down and my laptop out. This is a huge victory to me!

I’m transitioning from the thrill of dramatic weight loss into the rest of my life. It’s all part of the journey, so I’m trying to embrace each victory and challenge.

You want the good news or the bad news first?

First the good: I went to my doctor last week due to some issues I’ve been having. It turns out my PCOS has almost gone away! My symptoms have greatly improved. It turns out the problems that brought me to the doctor are actually all good signs that my PCOS is hitting the road. I always had some doubts that it would improve. I’ve always been given discouraging news regarding the disease, and even doubted I would be able to lose weight with the surgery. But, here I am, almost PCOS free.

More good: This picture was taken this past Saturday at The Limited (obviously). This photo represents my first purchase in eight years at a store that doesn’t specialize in plus sizes. To my surprise (and delight) I was able to wear a size large. I went in thinking I would be an XL, but low and behold, I was a large. I had two fabulous friends (Nicole and Jessi) who provided me with honesty and good judgment. Even the saleswomen were jumping in and bringing me outfits to try on. After about two hours of four people using me like a Barbie, I started to feel a little overwhelmed. It was very weird to be in a regular store buying regular sizes. Sometimes I think I lost weight so fast my mind hasn’t caught up to my actual size. Sometimes I think I will always be fat in my mind.

Well, with the good comes the bad. My two weeks off of work were good to me and my weight loss, but I think I actually ended up setting myself back a bit. I worked so hard during my time off to reach my first goal of being less than 200lbs, I hit a plateau. I’ve only lost about 3lbs in two weeks. This is super disappointing to me, since I’ve been doing so well. I usually lose about 3lbs a week. It especially frustrating because I’ve still been doing everything right as far as my diet goes. I’ve also still been going to the gym five or six days a week. This morning there were donuts at work, and I had to watch everyone eat them during an hour meeting. My treat to myself? I had 15 almonds with my protein shake instead of my usual 10. Tell me you wouldn’t be disappointed when you constantly make decisions like that and don’t see too many results.

Unfortunately, I know what the problem is. I need to work out more. I’ve reached a point where it’s not just the diet. I could get away with 45 minute to an hour workouts before, but I need to do more. My body is getting used to my diet, calorie intake and workouts, so I’ve got to change things up. There’s not a lot I can do about the food thing, but I can change my workouts. It’s not that I necessarily need to workout longer; it’s that I need to do more effective workouts.

I’m meeting with a personal trainer on Wednesday and also attending a bootcamp class on Saturday morning (at 7a.m.!). I know it sounds intense, but now is the time to push myself. I need to tone areas and must work harder to burn fat. My doctor assured me slowing down is normal, but man I don’t want it to. It’s so nice to consistently lose weight, but I’m glad to be doing it right. Slow and steady wins the race, right? I knew all along this point would come, but I’ve been dreading it. I still have 55lbs left until I reach my goal, and it’s going to be much harder than the weight loss before.

New Year

This morning I stepped on the scale and it read 199.6lbs! I have not weighed less than 200lbs in seven years. That means I’ve lost 88lbs since my surgery six months ago.

Unfortunately, I missed my goal to be less than 200lbs by New Years Day by a couple of days, but I came pretty close. I was very disappointed in myself for missing my goal, even if it was just a couple of days. No one seemed to understand my disappointment. I know I’ve been doing well and meeting goals faster than most surgery patients. The point is, I’m extremely goal orientated. I make a goal and I expect to reach it no matter what. If I don’t then I feel like I’ve failed.

I had my six-month check-up with my surgeon a couple of weeks ago. They make you fill out a questionnaire about what and how much you’ve been eating, how much you exercise, etc. While filling it out, I knew I was answering each question with the right answer, and it crossed my mind that they might think I’m lying. My surgeon walks into the room with my questionnaire in his hands and says, “I don’t have anything to say to you.” He went on to explain that a lot of people fill out the questionnaire the same way I did, but they haven’t lost very much weight. Based on my weight loss he knew I wasn’t lying. He told me not to change anything and that I’m doing everything perfectly. His goal for me is still to lose 100lbs in a year. I don’t want to count my chickens before they’re hatched, but I think I can successfully lose 12lbs in 6 months! Hopefully, I can keep doing well and losing and be close to my goal weight of 140lbs on my year anniversary date of June 30. Only 59lbs to go!

Although Christmas is my absolute favorite time of the year, I’m not sad to put the holidays behind me this year. I was truly tested on my willpower this year. I indulged in two treats over the holidays; five sausage balls on Christmas Eve and a piece of carrot cake on Christmas Day. It was hard to not eat chocolate, chips and dip and cookies. I even took my own side dish to go with the roast my mother-in-law cooked, because she had potatoes. I didn’t indulge on junk food or alcohol on New Years, which sounds boring (it kind of was), but I made it.

I loved having time off of work, spending time with my husband and family and completing projects around the house. The temptations that surrounded me were not welcomed. It’s a huge decision for me to decide to have even one bad thing for me. It’s all a mind game I have to play. Do I really want it? Do I need it? Will I feel worse if I have a bite? How am I going to feel if I don’t lose weight tomorrow? This is mostly why I only allow myself only one treat a month. It’s much easier. . Fortunately, I never feel the need to overeat, mostly because I physically can’t anymore, but the junk-food gene never goes away. I’ve spent so many years having certain foods during the holidays, so it’s weird to suddenly have to say no I am so lucky to constantly be surrounded by a husband, family and friends that understand my struggles. Even though I’m sure they get sick of hearing about it, their support never wavers.

So this year my resolutions are to continue to be good to my body. I’m also going to do things my weight has previously stopped me from doing. I love finding outlets for all my new energy! I hope you all feel as blessed as I do starting 2011.